The tribulation of traversing Taswegia. Tally-Ho!

Tasmania is an outstandingly beautiful example of what one country can achieve in regards to nature reserves if they restrict an entire state from advancing into the industrial age. (I joke it’s not that bad. My mum has the NBN and I don’t)

I could go on for hours about it’s stunning natural beauty or it’s rich and vibrantly bloody convict history.
But instead I’m going to throw some facts at you that nobody else will mention about Tasmanian roads because they’re all too bloody busy going ‘oooh’ and ‘ahhh’ as they trundle along 20km/hr under the speed limit in their Hertz rent-a-car corolla.

1. Despite going to the trouble of leveling fucking mountains to pour a highway, 90% of the roads are built on angles that would make a protractor shit itself. Even the highway through the mountain. Have you ever had your ears pop driving up/down a road? Because it’s pretty bloody common there.

2. 4cyl cars with more than 1 passenger rarely have the torque to make it up said angles. I’m beginning to think all these Hertz corollas are turbo charged.
Actually no, this just explains why all the tourists drive so slow.

3. If you’re not tailgating someone (I.e. Leaving exactly one bees dick of space between your front bumper and their rear bumper) when driving down a highway, then you’re not driving properly in Tas.

4. There are more overtaking lanes on the road from Launceston to Hobart than there is road kill on the side of the highway.

5. There is a FUCKTON of road kill on the side of the highway from Launceston to Hobart.

6. There’s a fuckton of road kill in the gutters of suburbia.

7. If Tasmania has a wallaby and possum overpopulation issue I’d be fucking stunned given the fact that Tasmanian roads are pretty much a marsupial graveyard.

8. Every 4th corner is a blind corner. It’s like Russian roulette with cars.

9. If the posted speed limit on a back country single lane road is 100km/hr you can be damn sure the only person hitting / exceeding said speed limit is a log truck driver.
At night.

10. There was a stretch of road with an 80km/hr speed limit, that had a corner suggesting you go at 95km/hr. I shit you not.

11. You’re only alerted that a railroad will be intersecting a road by a small, yellow A4 sign with a picture of a train.
The rest is up to you to make sure you’re paying attention to that 4m hedge in case a speeding locomotive suddenly bursts out from behind it and onto the scene.
Actually, there was ONE set of warning lights near a railroad.
No boom gates though.

Tasmanian roads.
Vehicular based human natural selection.

So picturesque you’ll not even care that you’re about to die.

– Jacob

P.s. Have you ever been so dedicated to your look that you put thermals on under your ripped skinny jeans because it’s freezing outside? I’ve seen a local that was.

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