Gratuitous overuse of ellipsis and the word ‘Shit’.

Hello, my name’s Jacob and I have an addictive personality combined with undiagnosed ADD.

Do you know why the blog posts up in here are so few and far between? Because of that thing I said just now up above these few lines.
I think that’s what’s wrong with me anyways. I can’t be too sure because I can’t be bothered going and getting a psych evaluation and I have a feeling that if it comes back positive with anything, they’ll dope me up to my eyeballs and suddenly my private health premiums will get higher than the Wayan brothers when planning the next ‘Scary Movie’ incarnation.
Mind you those guys have got to be in their 40s by now. Are people still pot heads in their 40s?

WAIT…. I just remembered I don’t care.

So addictive personality combined with ADD, how’s THAT working out for me?
It pretty much means that I can have the blind, uninterrupted, relationship damaging focus of a person with OCD who has a 20 gallon drum of mixed skittles, m&ms and Smarties in front of them which clearly need to be organised by type and colour but before that I need to go make a coffee and find my special candy sorting gloves and maybe I’ll start without those ooh look candy.

And aside from being distracted from a task even before I begin, I also can’t be satisfied with that one task and rarely see it through to completion.
And if by the off chance I DO complete it, I don’t sit around thinking ‘Gee that was great, maybe I’ll do it again or have a rest like a normal person’, I usually drop it on the ground and go hurtling off in another direction, all flailing arms and drool, to collide violently with the next thing that’s shiny enough to grab my attention.

I have laser focus, unfortunately it’s the kind of laser focus that Cyclops has when someone smacks his ruby sunnies off his bitchy little face.
In that it’s a laser.
And it’s not focused.
And it just wrecks shit.
But it’s still a laser.

It’s a real strain on a relationship. Just ask the Wif.
For real, she was actually googling ‘How to live/deal with a creative person’ for a while there up until she realised that I’m just a tapped person who is creative as a side effect.
She sorted it out in her own special way to a degree eventually…

As far as detrimental super powers go that aren’t actually super powers and put the ‘Mental’ in ‘Detrimental’ it’s not too bad of a one two sucker punch to the malfunctioning testicles. My frustration is that it can’t really be harnessed and focused onto the things that really should matter to me as a husband, father and aspiring writer.
Which is in part why I started the blog up, to keep on top of the writing thing.

And since starting the blog I have been focused on my writing.
But then I wanted to try painting so I did that.
Then I got back to writing.
But then I found out what cold brew coffee was and became obsessed with it up to the point of planning how to bottle and sell it (still in the mix).
Then I got back to writing.
Oooh, poetry? Wassat?!
Two dozen or so poems later, back to writing.
OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE COFFEE!
Back to writi-
Hey, did you know you can make rings out of wood? I bet the Wif would like one of those.
Better write some poems now though.
COLD BREW COFFEE!!!
I wonder what would happen if I wrapped the wood AROUND a ring and made a wood ring with a stainless steel insert?
Ok, for fucks sake man, this is serious, get back to the writing…

Notice anything weird there? (Honestly if you don’t, then it may be time to talk to your doctor about frontal lobotomies) I certainly do.
There’s no mention of ‘Be a better husband’ or ‘Be a better father’ in there.
Because by some fucked up moral compass or internal metric, I clearly seem to think that I’m doing a pretty good job of it already to the point that it doesn’t have to be an everyday focus on the forefront of my mind.
We call this ‘Coasting along’, (and by we, I mean me and the voices in my head) and if my progression in my job over the past decade is anything to go by in regards to coasting, I can tell you one thing, that shit is bad. Coasting gets you nowhere.

Laser focus though? That shit will achieve stuff!

It’s a hard thing to do but if Cyclops the little bitch can make his retarded mutation focus into a death ray of destructive ‘Getting-shit-done-ness’ with some crappy ruby glasses, then I know I can do it to.

With the help of some new glasses!
Now imagine that I spend the next several weeks obsessively researching glasses and pricing and where to purchase from and their intended effects on your relationship with your family and that’s a rough idea of how my head works.

RIIIIIIIGHT up to the point that I notice my notebook is out of pages and I start researching which book is best for the type of pen I use and my handwriting. Likely finding that there isn’t one here that suits my needs so I embark on a journey to hand craft my own notebooks, then decide I can probably sell these, then do a ton of research into getting it done until I remember that I should be writing.

See how fucked up that shit is?

I picked up my water bottle yesterday and walked over to the couch to look for my water bottle because I didn’t know where it was…

I’m not saying pity me, but… fucking hell man.

– Jacob

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