F**k yeah story time! (May not actually contain a story)

​I don’t do a whole butt load of reading these days. And before you ask, I think a butt load is roughly in the vicinity of half to three quarters of a bag of carrots. In book terms, about 2-3 paperbacks.
Don’t ask me how I know the rough estimate of a butt load, just trust that I had a very interesting time in college.

So I don’t do heaps of reading and I think its mostly because I like to do heaps of writing. If I read while I write I find my writing influenced by what I’m reading which is totally normal, happens to everyone from what I’ve heard. But in my travels (By which I mean stalking artists on social media) I’ve found that most artists that ply their trade with the written word tend to have a love affair with the visual, while artists that are more visually based tend to really get down with a good book. I think it helps to keep their work pure if they find a little muse living in something that can’t influence their style directly.

That or I’m just reading into things, which is a surprise given the previously stated lack of reading. Plus my attention span doesn’t seem to help my situation. You know, with the having to concentrate on the pages and all.

I may not do  heaps of reading, I may no always have a book on the go and I may not always stop to read the latest I Fucking Love Science article in its entirety but I will tell you one thing that I will always make time to stop and read.
Big old bastards of posts from my friends, or more accurately people that I know, on social media.

I’m not talking the copy-pasta ‘Most people wont read or re-post this but my real friends will’ guilt trip muffin made entirely of free range bovine faecal matter, or the re-hashed article that’s clearly someone else’s words with a few little shuffles, or god forbid a rant about politics! Or anything poorly spelled or containing the letter U over the word ‘You’…

I’m picky, so sue me.

But honestly, I love, LOVE to see when people I know take the time to sit and compose a piece of writing or prose. Especially if its something they’re passionate about. Even more so if its something cleverly written. But my absolute favourites are the ones that aren’t about the current medias flavour of the day!

UK left the EU and you’ve got an opinion on it? Ok, I’ll read it because you’re kind enough to tolerate me in person.
You had a stunning experience when you were getting ready for work the other day? Yep, getting my attention now.
You’re a dedicated dog groomer with a hilarious opinion on the current state of the dog grooming industry and you’ve tied it in with a story about how a wet Dalmatian dragged you halfway across a muddy field one day? You have my total and undivided attention. I’m on that story like Today Tonight on a dodgy workers compensation scam.

I love it, I love reading this stuff because I love that people have that within them. Also because I loathe small talk!
If I’m at a party, and I’m not the guy sitting off to the side ignoring all of you, I’m going to be the one telling people a story because Fuck yeah mother fucker! Story time!

You don’t get story time from people these days! I get told to get to the point so often I almost thought it was my name for a while!

I know its not for everyone but give it a shot one day. Instead of putting up a status update on social media about being hashtag blessed because you farted and didn’t wake your dog one morning, or putting up some regurgitated bullshit about how lifting weights makes you a rock hard pillar of inspiration, try writing something good. Tell a story about a shitty toy you got one Christmas, or when you ran out of toilet paper and had to used the cardboard roll as a little poop squeegee. Or how much your partner means to you and how they hold your entire fucking fracture mind together like superglue enhanced sticky tape.

Open your mind, vomit it down onto the paper, and hold that steaming pile of garbage out with pride as you proclaim ‘I made dis!’

Will everyone read it? Probably not.

Will ANYONE read it? I know I will.


I shouldn’t write in bed should I. Shit gets nonsensical.


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