And finally, he did it.

If you listen to any modern ‘foodie’ with enough swing to have their own wanky cooking programme you’ll learn that ‘We eat with our eyes’.

Which means that not only have 100% of us been doing it wrong our entire lives, but I’m expecting a written apology from Oxfam soon regarding a rather mean rejection letter to my donation of a metric tonne of cooking magazines for all the starving children in Africa.

(That’s likely a joke I’ve thrown out there before but if you read anything written by professional comedians they’ll tell you that you should stick to what works. And if you read my last blog post you’ll also see that they likely didn’t actually write that, rather some desperate bastard on a freelance gladiatorial pit wrote it for them for about $19.22 based on a 6 bullet point outline.)

But for all their cock chaffing bluster these over glorified makers of fancy named sustenance riding the bandwagon to fortune and fame kind of have a point.
Enjoyment of a dominant stimuli is always complimented by, and further enhanced by bringing more and more of the other senses into play.

Herbal tea makers would be out of business if they were reliant on people enjoying things with one sense alone. Seriously, herbal tea smells fucking amazing but you drink it to taste it, and they ALL taste like someone with a mouth full of whatever its supposed to taste like, has sneezed near the cup. Mixed with hot water.

And can you imagine going to a carnival or show and you get all the flashing lights and hear all the music and feel the soil squelching under your feet, but there ISN’T a reekingly prominent stank of body odour/cooked grey meat/dying clown?

But my personal favourite is reading. I love a good book, but feeling an old hardcopy cotton or leather wrapped book in your hands, combined with that unique aged smell, and slightly yellowed paper. Or even with a brand new book! Crisp whiteness with the bold black print, that new book smell, the perfectly rigid virgin cover.

It feels so strange when you strip all those elements back and replace them with a digital screen on your tablet or smartphone.
You can still read it, but it just doesn’t feel the same.
Which makes you wonder, if I love that shit so much, why the fuck would I make my first ever publication a digital one?

Yep, I finally published something. Don’t get too excited, it’s only a short story. And it’s just Kindle so it’s nothing serious. Nobody has purchased it as of yet.

The story is set in the universe of ‘The Wilson Family Chronicles’ which some of you may remember from ‘Slicks big deal’ and it’ll give you a better insight into the character William and an introduction to his wife Lily. Two characters that I have grown to just darn love.

The story itself played a big part in getting me into this blog and experimenting with my writing styles. So much so that I stopped working on the story shortly after starting the blog.

The Wif and I actually went through about seven drafts before setting it down to mature. After about seven months I decided that it’s doing nobody any good sitting on my hard drive so I might as well get my name out there finally.

It’s called ‘Hell & Back’ and is available right now on Kindle for FREE!

Follow the link here to get that shit:

For the next two days its free anyway.

It’s free so you, all my friends, can go get a copy, enjoy it, and if you feel the need to, give it a review.

To find it quicker, search for it using its publication code B01JADACJ6

Copy paste that code into the search section on Kindle, download, read, enjoy.

I’ll forewarn you, it’s pretty freaking amateurish.

Plus I think it’s awful but I’m a writer, I’m supposed to hate everything I make.

Thanks for reading in advance my friends.

– Jacob

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