Confessions of a rabid gummy-er.

I had this whole big blog post planned about how I’m back (again) and I’ll be updating more regularly (again) and most of the little side projects are finally done so I can concentrate on writing (again) but let’s not lie to each other here and I’ll just molest your eyes with some words instead.

I’m here today as a confessional visit. Apparently the first step to getting over an addiction is admitting to it so I’m going to come out and talk to you lovely readers about my addiction.
No, not the procrastination. Or the porn, I’m fine with those ones, in fact they tend to mesh rather well and rather regularly. The one I’m here to fess up to is my newly acquired addiction to… Gumtree.

Which if you’re not from Australia, that probably sounds like the codename for some strange strain of marijuana laced with gumnuts or some garbage. Which would explain why Koalas are always so sleepy and bleary eyed.
Or it would if they ate gumtree leaves and not eucalyptus leaves.

Man I bet Koala shit smells magnificent. I’d swap a cat for a Koala any day and I’d never clean the litter tray. Heck I’d probably scoop up big old pyramids of its dung to deposit around the house, freshen up the place you know?
It’d make a nice change to the fucking toxic paint stripping foetus aborting rank odour that cat shit gives out. Fucking horrid beasts, god knows why people own them.

Where was I? Gumtree?
So for Australians we all know Gumtree as the digitized version of The Trading Post. Where you can put whatever the fuck you like up for sale and dumbshits will offer you exactly half your asking price and get offended and call you a prick when you send them a video of you laughing your ass off at their offer.

For non-Australians, first let me say sorry; it must be hard waking up somewhere other than here. Secondly Gumtree is a site owned by E-Bay and operates on a similar kind of premise. Except instead of putting things up for auction you put them up for a set price. Which will ALWAYS be haggled down.
But the really unique feature about Gumtree is that it acts kind of like a moral loophole for E-Bay in that it doesn’t ban the sale of Nazi memorabilia.

Seriously, look it up.

I mean I don’t think you’re actually allowed to use the N word but you can certainly sell your ‘Hitlers youth’ pockets knives or SS badges or even those flashy Hugo Boss trench coats. (Bet you didn’t know that little detail did you?)

But what I personally use Gumtree for 99% of the time, is to buy unique versions of regular shit really cheap. And try to swap my crap for other crap. Much to the disappointment of the Wif.
See whenever I post an ad, I always put the price up (which will get an offer 60% lower than what I posted) but I also tack to the end of my hilarious descriptions ‘Or will swap you for something neat.’

I want you to scroll to the top again and look at the pic for this post. See that picture hanging behind me?
That’s fucking neat.

That’s a pair of Yamaha headphones that I never used and actually won at a trade night worth of neat.

It’s spray-paint art done by a stupidly talented and fucking fast worker here in Hobart Tasmania called Mr Graffiti. He messaged me to offer a swap, got an idea of what I wanted, loved the idea so much (Everyone likes writing the word ‘Fuck’) that he got to work on it immediately and had it at my doorstep in just over an hour. All this while looking after his two kids!
Shit I only have one kid and barely find time to write let alone art!

If you like his handy-work then you can hit him up on bookface for your own slice of spray-art wonderment.
www.bookface.com/mrgraffitiartist
or insta under the handle @mr.graffitiart

Which is fucking useful information if you need a gift for a kids bedroom or if you’re just enormously childish and want to hang a poster with swears on it in your writing den.

So far it’s been the best find I’ve had on Gumtree outside of that boss looking reading chair sitting below it that you might be able to see.
That and the spare bed for the bedroom.

Actually the dining table made from an old barn door is pretty fucking cool too.

Ok are we seeing my problem yet?

A house full of fucking cool shit is my problem yo!

That and swearing. I probably swear too much.

– Jacob

2 thoughts on “Confessions of a rabid gummy-er.

  1. The fist step is admitting. Like me not being able to spell, to save anyone’s life. Stupid writers and their tallent with words. Secondly, if this is a WP site/blog, learn how to use the feature and direct link to Mr. Grafittiart s info. Thirdly, use a cammera to entice the reader about this amaze balls barn table. And when you’re done with your tasmanian ostracized lifestyle, eat some spam.

    • Firstly, thanks for your reading/replying/thinly veiled constructive criticism.
      Second, spell check and gratuitous abuse of checking Google for synonyms is any writers fall back to appearing to have more fancy word prowess than others. (And potentially saving lives?)

      Links to Mr.Graffitiart should work now but unfortunately there will be no table photos for a little bit as I’m currently on my way into the wilderness of my ostracized homeland to traipse about on an even smaller island and I foolishly forgot to pack the dining table.
      There should be spam though. The Pythons would be proud.

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